Depression

I struggle with depression. There, it's said, no secret. For years, depression has been the ugly dog nipping at my heels, the overstuffed baggage to be carried, the neverending stairs to be climbed. Sometimes I've taken medication for it, but the serotonin reuptake inhibitors, while helpful, make me very tired. I went off meds about 6-7 months ago, and have felt much more energy and alertness--of course, that was also when I started drinking coffee every morning, but I digress.
This week has been particularly difficult, especially concerning Sky. He has some decisions to make, and it isn't something I can control. Actually, I am in control of very, very little, and this is not a comfortable place for me. That's very, very good. Very good. The less I foster the illusion of control, the more I can live life as it is, and the more I can surrender to God's control. And who better to surrender to, of course, than the God of the Universe that holds all in his hands? Makes so much more sense than pretending I have the ability to read other's minds, influence their futures, and make everything pretty and nice. Can't do it, might as well stop trying.
But, as with most things, part of me wants to keep trying things my way. Part of me wants to have my say and make everyone listen to it. Part of me wants "Mama knows best" to be "Mama knows all, and dammit, you better listen to her."
But I don't know all. I know nothing at all. Nothing, perhaps, other than who I am in Jesus Christ, and that He loves me. And that he is good, and that he loves everyone. And that he wants everyone to come to him. And that...well, you get the picture. Start with God, move out from there.
I had Beth Moore Bible Study today. The ladies showered me with blessings by giving me a birthday celebration. Cake, food (other than cake), gifties, even a tiara, complete with flashing purple heart in the middle (which I wore throughout the Beth's video presentation). Grace upon Grace.
God knew what I needed, when I needed it, and how to provide it. He set it all up, just for me. Grace upon Grace.
Oh, he is so awesome. He loves me so very much, and he can lift me out of any pit. There is no place where he cannot grab ahold and pull me up and into his arms.
The more I yield, the more I rest, the more I surrender, the more the depression loosens. Satan cannot have me. He cannot discourage me. He cannot take what belongs to God. I belong to God. I am His. Forever.
Right now, I don't feel so depressed anymore.