So I told Nature Girl to go ahead and sign up for Patrol at school for next year. That's right--I've given up the idea of homeschooling her for next year.

Sigh.

I'm not very happy.

But it's ok. I need to pay off my debt, I've got a great job (well, an ok job) dog walking now, and it would give me a chance to get that monkey off my back, finally. And, it would help the family for me to be less stressed. AND, she likes school and wants to stay for 6th grade.

I swear I'll yank her if her attitude or behavior deteriorates. I swear I will.

Sigh.

Happy Easter!

I love Easter.

What a victory! What a JOY! What a blessing.

The older I get, the more I am exploring and learning--about life, about love, about faith. I don't have it all figured out, that's for sure. Don't know anyone who does. The women at Well-Trained Mind forums have opened up my eyes to so many new terms, new ways of looking at God, new ideas. Actually, they are very ancient, old ideas that are just new to me.... I have learned about Reform Theology, Pre-and Post-Millenialism, Eastern Orthodoxy, etc., etc. I know where I stand on a lot of theological things now, things I was never exposed to in my small, Episcopalian world. It's wonderful!

But more binds us as Christians than separates us. Christ himself is the binding. Christ himself is the center that holds.

I LOVE EASTER, because I LOVE JESUS, and am so very grateful for what the Living God has done for me and for all. I lift my eyes to him and all the hard things fall away.

Hope your life is blessed by the Lord Jesus Christ, Very God of Very God, Redeemer, Saviour, Creator, the Hope of The Nations, The One True God.

Today is my birthday

Such as it is. Godly Man has to be at a Diocesan Convention all. day. long. Sky has to work, leaving me with Nature Girl (Film Buff being at college, of course). Don't get me wrong, I love being home alone, and I love being with Nature Girl! But I am a woman who likes rituals and rhythms, so not having a birthday family celebration is hard on me.
Usually the Birthday Person gets whatever they want for dinner, and then opens cards and gifts. Tonight, I'll take Nature Girl somewhere, maybe to see a movie or something, and we'll probably just eat Buffalo Chicken Bites and fries from the freezer. No cake, no candles, and no gifts.
Sigh.

I am getting older. I am getting to the point where I realize my life is not made up of other people, not dependent on them for feelings of wholeness or happiness--but that's not how I really roll. I am selfish at times, but other-centered much of the time.

The trick for me is how to be whole and complete in the Lord, yet available to others--how to be open to influence and feelings from those I love, vulnerable with my emotions yet not so influenced by them that I become enmeshed and cannot separate who I am from who "they" are. For so long, I based my emotional life on those around me. Now I know better, but I still struggle.

So, happy frickin' birthday to me--LOL

It still matters that my hubby can't be with me, my kids are largely unavailable to celebrate with me, and I want my usual--but I will suck it up and go with the gifts I have-- today. Blue sky, sunshine, time with my daughter, etc., etc.

Thought I'd start again!

Thought it might be fun to start blogging a bit again.
Here's a post from WTM Forums I recently wrote, on those little "coincidences" in our lives that we feel are really not coincidences at all--"God Winks!"
God Winks

Hope you can read it without joining WTM.

Got Snow?

We sure do! There's roughly 30 inches on the ground and more coming today. I just felt a gust that rocked the house and swirled up the white stuff so much the window went blank! Poor birds. They are desperately looking for food on the snow-covered porch. We've gone thru a whole bag of corn, and have nothing but bread left--but sparrows aren't big on bread, and most of the other birds we have visiting us (towhee, cardinal, jay, junco, house wren) like seeds better.

Sky hasn't had school since last Thurday, and missed a day that week, too! His friend spent two nights at our house--brought his XBox and they put it on the "big screen" in the living room (we don't have any decorations on the wall above the couch, so we can use the projector and see TV, movies and games on an 8 ft "screen").

We are limping along in school.

I ended up making a list of our subjects and just writing where we should be--it's helpful for organization.

Off to take a shower before the power goes out!

Trying out some new looks for fun

Bear with me as I try out some new backrounds and buttons from ShabbyChic and The Cutest Blog on The Block, places you can go for free stuff! StephieK at Enduring With Grace is my inspiration.
I'm home alone for a while--Nature Girl went with her daddy to take her brother back to college, and Sky is at a friend's house. No school tomorrow!

Happy New Year!

When 2009 started, I had one son who had just limped to the finish of homeschooled high school (didn't want a graduation, so no party or celebration), one who had just entered treatment that October after running away for 2 weeks, and one little girl who was trying to navigate public school third grade after being homeschooled K-2. I was in a preschool teaching job I did not feel comfortable with, because I wanted to be home. Hubby was just getting used to his new assistant at work--one bright spot, as she and her husband are lovely, Godly, orthodox Episcopalians, rare around here. The rest of our church was falling apart.

Now, as we start 2010, Son #1 has just completed his first semester at VCU with a 3.6 average. Son #2 has been sober for over a year, has gotten nearly straight As in his new school, has joined the wrestling team and has been promoted to Varsity (even with no prior experience--either they s>ck or he's pretty good), and has not picked a fight since he's been home. I'm homeschooling dd9 and working part time. One credit card will be settled in Jan, leaving me with a "doable debt," which continues to go down. Hubby is happy at work, and we are just waiting to see if our church crashes and burns--if so, we know pretty much where we'll go.

Thru all the bad, carpy, yucky, HARD things this past year, I gained a lot of insight into myself, my family, and my world. I have far to go, but I'm less controlling, less afraid, and more grown up. The difficult times have brought me to my knees, and have brought me to my Lord. I've found truth in trusting Him, and can honestly say, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him."

This year, I hope to become wiser, stronger, more honest, and closer to my husband. I hope to cultivate more peace and more joy at home, and make my home into a place of beauty, contentment, order, and solace.

Here's to 2010.